Explorations in Self, Photograph & Cosmetics Installation 2013
Writing about personal creativity and giftedness, and it’s correlation in a dissonance to society seems so self-indulgent. However, I think perhaps it’s the only way to fully understand the way I function. I need to explain it to myself, in words, in order to grasp it. The emotional swings of a creatively gifted individual is staggeringly polar. It seems however that no one discusses it?
Many people hear the word “gifted” and feel what? Envious? That’s a myth I’ll debunk right now. Creative and gifted minds do not think on linear paths. Our minds wander furiously, asking ourselves “What if…”. We constantly struggle to squeeze ourselves into a perfectly categorized box society deems us worthy of being in. However, the issue is we will never fit into one, square box. We are frequently viewed as dismissive because our minds travel to a far off land of endless possibilities, while most of the time the person we are talking to is stuck in the present and the concrete. We hate authority and rules because they zone us. We are intensely curious and overly sensitive to pretty much everything. My sight, sound, tactile sensation, and taste are incredibly elevated, and trust me that’s not always a good thing. We need frequent solitude but are afraid to spend time alone in our own thoughts. We have extraordinary abilities AND deficits. We struggled our way through school, bored and out of touch with the other children and even teachers.
There is a strange misconception that lack of interest, means young gifted or creative students are disciplinary nightmares. Wrong again. We just don’t care about your down to earth explanations for things. Our heads are in the clouds exploring the new and exciting possibilities that this thing called life has to offer.
This "giftedness" and hypersensitivity has adversely affected my life as a grown woman.
The one place I’ve found solitude, is my artwork. This was a later discovery. Sure, my creative interests were always present, but the emotional stability found inside the production of artwork came later. I’ve struggled on and off for years with bouts of depression and intense anxiety. What many people fail to acknowledge (including the people suffering from these sorts of disorder) is that treating depression and anxiety in creative individuals differs from the traditional treatment. Depression in gifted creatives is the result of an emotional nutritional deficiency.
In a world built for commerce and financial dependency, I am finding it’s increasingly difficult to feed my well-being with emotional connections of other gifted creative individuals, consistently. This leads to highs and lows in emotional stability, which is again….a very dangerous game to play.
Disorder. Gifted. Anxiety. Creative. Depression; all words that hold some sort of negative stigma SOMEWHERE in society. That’s annoying. Self-awareness is key, but it makes for treacherous waters. Finding yourself, and being happy with what you find are two extraordinarily different things.